I’m not a buffet guy, but I am somewhat of a buffet expert.
How about you?
I don’t know what your brunch experience is, but I’ve been to many. And after enough buffets, you learn a few things.
And there are a few buffet experiences that stand out.
Especially the one where I ended up in an eating contest with my younger cousin.
You see, he thought he could take me on—Mano a mano.
It was a battle of strategies.
And the winner, well, I’ll tell you about that in a second.
I mean, if you call it a contest, even if it is a bit gluttonous, there has to be a winner, right?
Don’t be a buffet amateur
So we are at the club. My grandmother was a member there and was taking us for lunch.
This particular brunch was a good one. They had out some seafood and loads of meat.
My cousin was there. He’s the guy that has to leave the Christmas table early and lie on the couch. Not exactly mature, if you know what I mean. He should at least wait until after the meal to do that.
So we get to the table, and it’s time to go up and grab the first plate.
Now my strategy is to avoid all the low-value calories. As a buffet expert, I know the salad bar is a distraction.
All that color, sweetness, fiber, bread, and butter is to get you filled up on the cheap before you get to the good stuff.
That’s where my cousin went. Amateur.
I went over to the meat section. I surveyed the trays and plotted out my approach. Then I filled up my plate and headed back to the table, which I did several times.
And things were pretty civil, but then the buffet amateur dropped the gloves.
9 slices of beef and 4 desserts
“I’ve had nine pieces of roast beef, and you’ve only had five,” he gloated, thinking he had me.
“We’ve had the same number of plates, and you started with the salad,” I replied.
“Ok, I’ll tell you what,” I said, “I’ll go get a couple more pieces of roast beef, and we’ll decide this with dessert.”
So I went up and got another two pieces of roast beef. And they went down just fine.
Now I’m up a full plate and ready to see what he’s got left.
So I up the ante with, “OK then, four desserts takes it.”
Now I’m talking about four full desserts, like four puddings, pieces of cake, or whatever.
By the looks of him at that moment, I’m pretty sure he’s going to be like My Creosote in Monty Python. You remember that fat guy exploding at the table after eating a chocolate? It was only wafer thin! My other cousin and I watched that like a hundred times in a row and laughed every time.
So it was fitting that he came back to the table with his choice of four desserts.
The punk grabbed four chocolates…
The six deadliest words after an eating contest
I knew I had won right there. Well, as much as one could win by eating too much great food in a nice place. So after rightfully mocking him, I went up and grabbed four full-sized desserts and wolfed them down.
As I did this, I saw the next cracks in his facade.
He left the table to “go for a walk.” That was a useful piece of information.
And not to tell you otherwise, but I was stuffed up to my neck after all that chow.
But I had one more thing up my sleeve.
My grandmother, aunt, cousin, and I went to the parking lot. We chatted for a bit, and I could see my cousin looking a little sheepish.
So when everyone stopped talking, I asked the killer question.
The one question you never want to be asked at that moment.
The one that could be hazardous in some situations.
This question has the six deadliest words to utter after an eating contest.
I turned to my cousin and said, “Where are we going for lunch?”
When he heard that, he turned an extra shade of white and visibly struggled to hold down his cookies.
It was glorious.
Is your marketing giving your prospects too much salad and not enough meat?
Loads of people are just like my cousin. They are gouging on lots of free information. You know, the colorful salads, the bread, and all the filler.
That’s the equivalent of the free stuff on your site. It’s the easiest stuff to consume as a prospect.
Your site is probably laden with it, which is a great way to build a relationship on your way to lifetime value.
But if you are too cautious about selling them the meat and big dessert, they will miss the stuff that can help them the most.
Because, of course, all that stuff at the beginning is appealing.
They will gorge themselves there and be too tired to get to your good stuff.
Which is a problem because they aren’t benefiting from the real value you have for them.
And you aren’t going to make any bank selling the equivalent of four chocolates.
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I help sell your meaty offer with expert copy and killer stories.
Get in touch with me here tristram@wordsunfold.com, and let’s chat about solutions.